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30-Dec-2017 19:38

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Meanwhile I haven’t felt like I’m somebody’s girlfriend in months, even years. The last time I felt loved and appreciated by him was… I ask if there’s a reason he’s so distant with me: is he mad at me? He tells me there’s no one else, he’s not mad, he’s just really comfortable and doesn’t know if he’ll ever change. I feel dull shock at how forward he’s being about his resignation toward the relationship, but I’m not surprised by his honesty.

And the power is completely in his hands, to step up and say “I’m sorry, I’ll try” but he can’t be bothered. Does he realize I’m not a moon-eyed 16 year old anymore? He’s always been honest, even when he knew it would rip me to shreds.

Most of the time it didn’t work, but when it did, it was enough to keep us going for the next hundred last ditch efforts.

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I have my flaws and my issues, but at the end of the day I’m fully aware that I’m an interesting, accomplished, witty and bright woman who is a solid 7/10 in most light (8/10 in candlelit and 6/10 in fluorescent).When I was working in the ER, we’d often treat a “last ditch effort”.